[001] Hi. I'm Daria. Go to Hell.

[mysicksadlife]

[This New Feather has found the journal, at least. She manages to make the new feather dress look even more shapeless, and her wings are a dull brown that would be the envy of a mud puddle trying its hardest to look unappealing.

She's also calm. Her expression is impassive and her tone is every bit as neutral.]

Since I don't recall any moments of spontaneous and uproarious joy, I'm forced to conclude that I have not, in fact, died and gone to Heaven. Besides, without a harp, I'm afraid I just couldn't get into the spirit.

Unfortunately, I also don't believe this is some alternate universe straight from the Twilight Zone, and I was actually secretly looking forward to college, instead of this. So if someone's listening, mind a more believable explanation? This guide reads like a practical joke, if I knew anyone likely to plan it.

Comments

[Voice]

[most_unwanted]

[Mulder's been having some much needed isolation after the draft, but he's finally getting bored enough with that to crack his journal open. Maybe chatting with a New Feather will take his mind off things.]

I can think of a few Twilight Zone episodes I'd rather be in than this place sometimes... but, actually, 'alternate universe' is a pretty close description.

Welcome to Luceti. Everything you see in the Guide is real.

[Voice]

[mysicksadlife]

Including the aliens that want our skin?

[She's making that one up. At least, it's not in the Guide. But there was a crazy kid back in high school who insisted this was true and that he'd been abducted before.]

[Voice]

[most_unwanted]

No, aliens that want our skin are at least three galaxies away from here.

[There's old files of some kind on that kind of thing back in an office that's also many galaxies away, but he's mostly not serious about it this time.]

The part about wings and death is a real one though, so I'd take that one seriously.

[Voice]

[mountain_sage]

[He's not sure what a "Twilight Zone" is.]

You could say this is some sort of "alternate universe." And everything contained in the guide is the truth.

[Voice]

[mysicksadlife]

Let's just say I have reason not to believe that too quickly. [She must have been around her family too much again.]

[Voice]

[mountain_sage]

No? Well, it's all right. It does seem unbelievable. But in time you will come to see the oddities that occur here for yourself.

[berkian]

Twilight Zone? [ And, after a pause. ] College?

If you can think of a better reason for suddenly having wings than everything you've read, I'd love to hear it.

[mysicksadlife]

[She'll... get to those in a moment, if Astrid asks directly. Right now, the whole what-is-going-here takes precedence.]

Who says the question is why we have them? The better question might be if we have them, or if this is some form of delusion.

One of those is much more likely than the other.

[And you, person in the journal window, look kind of like... a Viking. Did she fall asleep studying for a gen ed history class?]

...video; belatedly lol

[berkian]

[ Astrid shrugs. She definitely does look like a viking, armor and all, and might be sitting in her brand-new apartment. It's very bland looking, since she's had little to no time to do much with it. ]

If it's a delusion, it's a good one. I haven't heard of half of the things that people talk about here. Or seen them. Like electricity? Who would think of something like that?

[ 8| who. she wants to know. ]

...So you're new, too, huh?

[Video]

[windandrain]

[Here you are, Daria. One Japanese god, standing in front of the camera with a cheerful smile. She's dressed all in a blue and white kimono, with a sword dangling from her waist]

The Guidebook isn't a joke, child. It's unfortunately entirely true.

[Video]

[mysicksadlife]

[No, what Daria sees is a Japanese woman dressed like she's from the set of a period movie. Ok, then.]

Well, since I haven't found a bus stop yet, or a cell phone to even try to call someone, I have to admit it looks like I'm staying here a little while.

But more than that, I'm not convinced yet.

[Voice]

[faithfulflame]

I'm sorry to inform you that you are actually in a parallel reality. The guide is entirely true, and you aren't at home any longer.

[And have one Japanese teenager, speaking in a polite, formal manner.]

[Voice]

[mysicksadlife]

[Well, it's pretty clear she's not at home.]

I figured out this wasn't Lawndale right away.

If this is really some parallel reality, though, what makes you believe that?

[Video]

[savedtheworld]

You're definitely not dead! I promise you you're alive and well. You are in a universe that's different but it's not in any kind of twilight zone! ...I think.

[Video]

[mysicksadlife]

[Definitely not Lawndale. Not only are there Vikings, and Asians, now there's a guy who looks something like a Tibetan monk.

In terms of diversity, it's certainly an improvement.]

It's not the thought of being dead that scares me. It's the thought of not knowing how it happened. And if it's not what happened, it's the thought of what did happen.

[That's a lot of happening.]

[Voice]

[cuteisawayoflife]

[Oh, no. Oh, nonononononono. This isn't happening.]

What are you doing here?!

[Voice]

[mysicksadlife]

Actually, I came to whatever wasteland this is for the sole purpose of being with my sister. How are you, Sis?

[Actually, since Quinn really seems to be here... she's kind of worried.]

[Voice]

[tsunsandsteals]

[He kind of admires that about her. People who don't flip out tend to be strong, right?]

Sadly, it's not a joke. And I need to warn you, it doesn't get any less batshit crazy from here on out.

[Voice]

[mysicksadlife]

Lovely to know. And I suppose you'll tell me you're sure this isn't Bedlam?

[Voice]

[honestapples]

[You know what you need, Daria? A gentle Southern accent. That'll make everything go over more smoothly, right? There's just the fact that it's coming from a pony.]

Sorry, sugarcube, it ain't a practical joke. That guide's tellin' the truth. Ah know it's kinda hard ta swallow at first, but it's all true.

[Voice]

[mysicksadlife]

[The accent has that whole southern down-home feel going for it, so it takes Daria a moment to realize it doesn't at all match the look in the picture window.]

That's some impressive ventriloquism, but I'm really not in the mood for that right now.

video.

[heartisabattleground]

[Died? Sheesh, someone was a bit melodramatic...maybe?

This girl kind of sounds like Xemnas though, if only the whole neutral tone and all.]

Twilight Zone? Uh, don't know what kind of world that is but you're actually in another world.

video.

[mysicksadlife]

[It's the whole wings-and-dress thing, really. Standard Heaven wear.]

They'll probably end up regretting that. I'm not from a rich family you can get ransom from, and while I definitely can't say I'm just like anyone else, I'm not the type someone would take an interest in.

[video]

[bamboozler]

Heaven...? No, it's more like the other one...I'm almost out of bamboo.

[He's dramatic. He's having a bad day. And because he's a panda, he doesn't write. He just turns on video feed.]

[video]

[mysicksadlife]

[There's probably a cartoon with talking pandas somewhere. Seems like the sort of cute thing Quinn would have watched growing up, and Daria would have faked puking at.]

And now I'm talking to a panda.